


How Could You Shoot A Good Man Down (And Leave Without Mourning?)

by followtheswallow



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Armitage Hux - Freeform, Dreams and Nightmares, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Kylo Ren - Freeform, Kylux - Freeform, Kylux both need a hug but also a giant slap to the face tbh, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:14:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23987944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/followtheswallow/pseuds/followtheswallow
Summary: This is (almost) pure angst because apparently, I like to make these two (and myself) suffer.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	How Could You Shoot A Good Man Down (And Leave Without Mourning?)

_There is screaming. There is anger and bitterness and insults thrown around by both sides like sharp stones, aimed at old wounds. None of them miss their mark. The wounds bleed in an ugly mix of smashed plates and doors slammed shut. The air is heavy and it's getting hard to breathe, as if full of poison. It might as well be._

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_Then suddenly, Hux stops dead in his tracks and looks around. It's like a slap in the face – the flat is a mess. Everything is a mess and Hux feels like he's going to vomit. He doesn't even try to stop the trembling. The thoughts in his head are near feverish; No, no no no, please no, not like this.._

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_They've made it this far, right? It's just another stupid fight. It cannot end like this, can it? Can they really be this daft..?_

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_So he tries the one thing that comes to mind. It's their habit, their thing. They end up doing this pretty much every time they fight. One of them always gets reasonable in the end and asks this particular question, expecting to get one particular answer in return, as a handbrake, a peace offering, a sign that even though things suck at the moment, they're going to get better again._

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_Hux takes a shaky breath and approaches his lover, not quite daring to place a tentative hand on his shoulder when Kylo's back is turned to him._

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_Instead, he says quietly, expectantly; 'On a scale of one to ten, how bad do you want to kill me right now..?' For a second, five, ten... Hux waits. But instead of the usual, '...I'm hovering somewhere in the high thirties, you utter dumbass.' , Kylo whispers._

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_'I can't do this anymore, Hux.' and both their hearts shatter in the illusory safety of their ribcage._

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That's all in the past now. It's been six months of hell for Hux.

He cannot, for the life of him, remember ever having felt like this before, and he's had some shitty times. Everything reminds him of Kylo.

Every damn thing.

Every damn day.

He's worked hard for what he has, so he tries his hardest for the split not to jeopardise his work performance.

Every night, nightmares plague his slumber; in some of them, they're fighting and Hux wakes up shaking like a dried leaf in the wind, sucking in desperate bursts of air into his aching lungs. In others, Kylo dies and Hux wakes up screaming. He refuses to even try to fall back asleep. In some, he dies.

In the absolute worst dreams, though, they are still happy together.

Sometimes Hux dreams about Kylo's body on top of him, inside him, all over him, the dark haired man's voice breathy and hoarse in his ear.

And sometimes, when the universe is feeling particularly cruel, he dreams about that one late Sunday morning right after they moved in together. Hux, balanced on the thin, faint, silver line separating sleep from wakefulness, feeling his boyfriend's lazy, sleepy kiss – aimed for his lips but landing somewhere closer to his chin – then another, landing on Hux's nose, followed by a giggle and a slurred 'G'mornin', love'. In the dream, Hux giggles back, just like he did that morning, and snuggles even closer to Kylo, inhaling his scent and feeling the soft skin of Kylo's chest under his fingertips.

Hux has to bite his bottom lip bloody to stop himself from crying after he wakes up from one of these and his hand can only feel an empty space next to him, in what used to be their bed.

He doesn't cry.

He won't cry.

Every day he wakes up, opens his window to let chilly morning air in, takes a deep breath and puts on a mask. That way, nobody can see how broken and hollow he really is inside. How much he misses Kylo with every fiber of his being.

His best, and now – arguably – only friend, Phasma is the only one who knows. It's killing her to see Hux this way but there is nothing she can do. Some things are not in her power, no matter how much she wishes they were. Sometimes, after they've finished watching a movie together, Hux falls asleep with his head on her shoulder and she sits *very still*, softly carding her long fingers through her friend's golden red hair, until she falls asleep herself. Even though his neck hurts afterwards from the awkward position, these are the only nights Hux doesn't dream.

It's been almost a year now.

Hux has slowly learnt how to live with his pain that has now become a soft ache, ever present but no longer crippling. With the shattered, razor-sharp, shard-like pieces his heart was broken into – because that's just so Hux, isn't it, all pointed angles and edges that cut everything to ribbons, Kylo would say to him in the heat of an argument – now slightly dulled with time.

And then, in a single moment in space and time, the carefully built illusion comes crashing down.

The tall, broad figure of Hux's former lover, friend, partner in crime, unmistakable in his uniqueness, is standing in front of Hux's front door. Hux freezes as if his feet were glued to the pavement, and stares at Kylo in a state of utter shock. He starts shaking when Kylo slowly comes up to him, giving Hux time to stop him, to scream out, to punch him in the face if he so wishes, until he invades Hux's personal space.

The ginger man is still staring in disbelief, as Kylo leans in and wraps his long, muscular arms around Hux's smaller frame.

It's the words, a quiet, low 'I'm sorry, Hux. I can't go on without you. I'm so fucking sorry' that do it and finally,

finally,

Hux breaks down, sobbing into Kylo's neck. 'Don't let go, never let me go again, please,' he chokes out.

They need to talk. They need to figure things out and communicate and work on everything that made them crash and burn in the first place.

But right here,

right now,

in this one, single, improbable moment when time and space have both ground to a halt, Hux feels safe.

For the first time in almost a year.

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from the song Good Man Down by Ewert and the Two Dragons.
> 
> These are basically two prompt fills that I've decided to smush together. The first one I wrote ended on a sad note, so I felt like giving these idiots a second shot at a life together. I just thought they deserved it, gods help me. Keep your fingers crossed for them, guys, haha.
> 
> I'd like to give a HUGE shoutout to everyone in our little Kylux Movie Night Discord family. You guys are amazing and I love you so much. I cherish each and every one of you.
> 
> Also come listen to me yell about Kylux, Gingerpilot, Renben and various other random things on [twitter](https://twitter.com/SoftInstability) xxx


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